War. War never changes. (catch phrase from „Fallout 2”)
I wish there was a war going on, a great war – somewhere I could fight, because there’s so much to fight for.
Then I could be out there, in the front line, my life holding on to defend the one I love at home. It wouldn’t matter were home is, or whether she loves me back, or whether she wishes that I live or die. Or whether she cares at all, or even knows who and where I am.
I know it’s dumb, cynical, inhuman to want something like this, but I am certain I would have the will to go through it – there’s so much strength in me she didn’t have a chance to see, so much longing and desire I didn’t have the chance to let loose – and I’m also sure that I would carry her picture as my own Lili Marleen, as my love eternal, knowing that in war, „eternal” can mean until the next falling bomb shell. That would be an uncertainty that I’d be able to live with. That I’d happily live with.
It would be a fine way to go, too. If tomorrow never comes, you know that Lili Marleen is waiting underneath the lantern, back where you were once happy.